Whether or not we are real:

Containing our toxic opinions

We are all imbued with our life dream. We come here, our destiny within us, waiting to become, until we gather the gifts, talents and skills we need to bring those dreams into form…. each person lives with their dreams until they have what it takes to live them. They are the stream of life. Each individual life that comes is here to serve the greater life. All lives have value – each life and dream, each human experience is a place of coming to know oneself, one’s place, ones belonging.

I wonder how people seem to have an assessment of whether someone is real or good, or if their dream has value, and then proceeds to share that good or not so good opinion via every channel they can find. The techno sphere is rampant with the tearing down of people doing really good work.

What are we doing to each other and to ourselves?

It’s all too easy sometimes – maybe always easier – to focus on someone else and their lives instead of our own, and the good work of doing what it takes to care for our lives and who and what we love. 

If we are focused on our own lives, we really don’t have time to talk about others. Angeles Arrien used to say “if I’m talking about someone else, I’m not doing my own work.” The heartbreaker is that here we have every toxin in the world & we have so much to clean up. With most toxins we have a container and then sometimes we like to throw out an atomic bomb and destroy everything beautiful. The nature, the people, the homes….  our words are like this too. All the mediums that carry words…. words can wound or heal. Words are like medicine – it can be good medicine or it can have side effects that can kill you. The key is to continue to speak and act in ways that uplift and empower others and ourselves and not put toxic words, thoughts and actions into the world where they cannot be contained. And to do our best to be the people we dream of being.

In my Leadership course, we speak of how to resolve a conflict and conflict resolution always involves a conversation. Peace talks – war doesn’t.

So how do we come to peace, create peace in ourselves, in our communities? We speak to ourselves. We stop bullying ourselves and each other. We talk to each other. We become able to respect and care for each person’s experience.

Knowing every action  is because of a need…. How can we meet our – and others’ – needs without doing harm? How can we come to one another in support of future generations to enter the healing conversations? Ones that will allow us to enter into a conversation of love and trust. Where we do not assassinate or tear one another down. But instead tend to our work together, honing the wisdom and integrity to follow our hearts and our wisdom while having the support and wisdom of others to keep us in line, to show us our blind spots in a way that produces positive change and acts as a guidance system so everyone can have what they want.

Which I believe is to be real. To be loved. To create. To become who they are. To fulfill the dream within them without being torn down, ridiculed or assassinated.

We need to cherish one another’s gifts and cherish each life and its own way to journey. Without assessing, judging or pointing the finger. As Camus said, “Judgment day is made up of the judgments we make of ourselves and others.” How am I assessing myself and others? Can I stay direct? If I have a concern, how can I take it to the person I am concerned about… and focus on my own dream and collaborate with others who will support that dream? How can I support my experience and what’s real for me while giving others the space to discover who they are and their own experience?How can I be encouraging to the gifts, talents and work of others and myself?

I think the greatest learning is to keep doing the good you can – continue to do whatever you would do when you are alone or with loved ones, to be yourself against all odds, whether or not anyone or anything else that doesn’t know you decides that you are who you are.

What’s true is that no one else can tell us if we’re real. Only we know if we’re being real. So we focus in and do whatever good we can do from our own authentic place. For the good of all. From our own real experience of who we are.

One Reply to “Whether or not we are real:”

  1. Susan Boyer

    During this pandemic I am reminded of the saying ” Do no harm.” The frontline workers have shouldered a huge responsibility of continuing on as communities stayed sheltered. They risked their own lives for the good of others. Nurses who held hands and cell phones of the dying elders, so remote family members could be present at time of death, was a huge emotional duty. Thank goodness for their caring giving hearts, hopefully the caregivers can find peace in this new season recovering. How to move forward caring for one another with each others soulful emotional needs?


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